I had intentions of writing a completely different blog topic. While I sit outside today and enjoy a breeze grazing my fingertips as I type, the words to write the process of a cosmetic procedure aren’t finding their way through my brain and on to this screen.
Something has been tugging at my gut for a while. A wave of new emotions hit me that I haven’t felt before. I’m listening intently as they engulf me with the push I need to finally cross that fear barrier and speak on topics that not many dare to discuss .
Maybe its self-discovery. Maybe its mental clarity. Whatever it is, its been a long time coming.
I’ve struggled with anxiety and depression most of my life, more so as an adult. Some of that came crashing down on me during this past year while going through huge life changes. Drowning is a more accurate description of the crippling depression I endured last Summer. Throughout all of that and reflecting on my progress, yesterday I had a realization and this thought crossed my mind: “I’m more than books and beauty reviews, so why not write what is on my heart too?”
So two things happen when you speak out about depression:
1. You’re seen as an emotional mess that people steer clear from.
2. You’re respected and admired for being open about a debilitating condition that so many people endure.
It’s not my focus anymore to worry about how my story is perceived. This is truly my story and it wont come with an apology. You need to see the unflattering lowlights of my life, not just the pretty, planned posts and highlighted moments. Why? We live in a world where society shapes us to have unattainable standards of celebrities,internet superstar’s, and our peers, and what nobody realizes is behind the scenes, that is just not reality. You need to see the struggles, the fight against my fears, the ups and downs of what its like being a work at home Mother and a Wife of an oilfield husband who is working tirelessly out-of-town the majority of the week. I appreciate the beauty of raw and true and real, and I believe it’s crucial to put those on display sometimes to say “Hey girl. My life isn’t all that perfect. I struggle too. You aren’t alone.”
I hate the term “influencer” but when looking at my life at a microscope, I run a large beauty empire on social media so technically, that is my title. By choosing to show the world my most authentic self is a choice I’m happy to make. It’s frightening to feel so alone. That’s why its important to me to be so completely open. I hope to touch the lives of other women and help them find their inner power. Harnessing inner strength has taken me my entire life to achieve and ill be honest, it’s still a battle! I am no-one special, but I do have a purpose and I know without a doubt assisting in the empowerment of other women is my calling.
Whether it’s by beauty, reminding you of your worth, or giving you a place to laugh at my silly “Mom life” stories, I am eternally grateful to have that honor.
So buckle up buttercups, things are about to get real….REAL! Courage is in all of us. We just have to seek it out and hold on for dear life. That is the beauty of being brave.